Well I never...

Tonight I witnessed something I cannot remember experiencing before and I was so awed to be part of it.

I have a few friends who sometimes pray 'Lord, if I never receive anything or hear from you again I will still be content'. I don't personally feel willing or able to pray this, but in the realm of tonight's events I gladly say that to have experienced this sign of God just once is enough for a lifetime.

I was at a collective meeting for a creative group within my Church here in Whiteinch. We listened to two songs and part way into the first, a fast moving song, I began to see a vision of a sketchpad with its leaves breaking away like sheaves of a book blowing in the wind each flowing out and screwing up into shapes like birds that took form and flew away from the book and as they became birds they rose vertically. I could not keep up with their number. The picture swirled into other shapes and pictures. I attempted to record the first I have described above, turning the leaf, I then moved onto a new sheet of paper to attempt to get down another picture that stayed in my mind.

The second song came to an end and I finalised my final touches to the second sketch. We begun to reenter the room.

I glanced to my right and Jinty appeared to have a very similar formation of three birds in coming off the page in the same direction and lifting upward in movement. I couldn't believe it, she had the same image and various themes of the vision I had had too. Hers differed in that the birds were made of paper and each bird had gradually more of its body coming off the page but her birds too were headed in an upward direction, also adding a multi- dimensional dynamic to it. I turned my sketch over to show the whole group that I had the same vision.

My own sketch wasn't immediately obvious but as we discussed our two pictures it became more and more clear that the Lord had spoken the same message to us both.

It was an en-awed moment and unlike hearing stories of a move of God or what God has done or shown for another person or stranger this was new territory, certainly for me. I am awed.

I continue to audaciously pray that God combines the creative and the prophetic in me, that an item I offer someone would be as though God had designed it for that person, because our God loves to give good gifts to His children, so why wouldn't he use me to be His hands; to incarnate His design.

I must add that although I have been sharing pictures and doing give-aways for years the use of my artistic skills has been all but sporadically utilised, it is unearthing a whole new way of relating to the Lord and redeems to years developing skills in art that long seemed irrelevant to my 'career' in community evangelism.

  

Barbarous Wilderness

In the recent past I found God was bringing me through a long season of brokenness into being an adult I had never known. It was wonderful and very exhilarating. I discovered new levels of boldness and courage; even optimism.
Certain events following my move to Glasgow have provoked the cynic in me. There are many uncomfortable truths that have been exposed and in an entirely new community I have seen new depths of human error in myself.
I want to explain one- criticising the church.
This was always a default for me since before I came to faith; Christians can and have always disappointed me. I now disappoint myself so I can only conclude that my expectations are too high and do not honour Jesus's 'come as you are' message.
I am aware that I am all too critical of myself: in a very raw and vulnerable stage of life. But criticising the church, the body, a person of faith or in my community or circle has been a problem for me for a long time.
I sensed it is time to stop and turn from this.


Another dilemma has been my for show Christianity which is anything but the internal 'i can live without Him' reality I have put on this winter. So much of my intimacy with God has been so dependent on my knotted and entwined connection to him through a ten year established community. In starting afresh and probably being emotionally floored by the past 6-9 months, December has been a month of saying and doing the least possible in order to keep on. The ways that I have felt most closely connected to God were either not yet established or too raw to revisit. I reached a point that I was walking a wilderness of my life without 'eating' and the doctor's staple, (the word) was my least desired snack or meal.
I needed to get some rest for my soul and some quality time with my God.
Patiently he has waited for me to come. Previous short-cuts are no longer an option, routines need to be written, certain givens have been re-evaluated and are pending. 5 months after moving I am still very much at the drawing board. Whilst I know my heart for God and his call for my life, I am still adjusting to an entirely new culture with new levels of unforeseen needs and I am all the less interested in putting a good face on it.
I see that God is faithful, I see that Jesus is the hope of this nation and I see that i still have little idea what part I can play in relating this hope to the wonderful people in this city and in Scotland.
At various stages in my life I have repeatedly had to learn that I am not responsible for resolving the aches and groans of our world. Yet with all this silence and feeling distant from God, I am convinced that I know him well and I may never have realised had I not found myself here in this quiet valley.

God of improv, EVOO and beer

Tonight my plans did not go as planned. I had crossed town by bike to join some Leading Ladies for some fellowship and mutual encouragement. I wasn't on top form last time so I hoped to arrive in better and more encouraging spirits. 

When I arrived it transpired that I had missed the memo: this happens a couple of times a year for me. I am still about a decade behind in terms of travel communications and smart phone updates. 

***YOU HAVE NOT REACHED YOUR DESTINATION***

I decided to hit the road and then work out where the wind would take me. First explore and if I got my bearings; a 40% chance for me on my current Glasgow trend, then arrive to the group some 20-30 minutes late.

Still on an unfamiliar road I spot a sweet little bar and felt the nudge of God to go in. Just as I was exploring maybe tonight was about me and Jesus.

***YOU HAVE REACHED THE DESTINATION INTENDED FOR YOU***

I locked my bike and went in. Soon ordered some olives, Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Balsamic and Sourdough bread slices and a Beer my Dad would have stomached- maybe enjoyed.

I perused the local magazine and found an ad for a chap offering 'intellectual' accompaniment; poetry, football, theology all featured as topics of interest. I thought this odd, then mused as the man who came in ahead of me fitted the bill. Key works in Christian language cropped up with him and the fella who joined him.

I pondered how I had been led by the wind, by unforeseen, inconvenient circumstances, yet I was here and available. I asked God what I could offer and thought about the theme of anointing that God is highlighting to me at this time.

'But I don't have any oil'

I had eaten my bread and soaked all the EVOO in the process, not that I had intended to. But that was easily remedied. Why do I seem to put such simple limitations on what God is asking of me? I requested more EVOO and approached the men.

I explained to them how I had got there tonight and that I am in a season of reflecting about what it means to be anointed to share the good news. I referred them to Isaiah 61 and the implications of this passage for those who witness the good news. I didn't know what their beliefs may be or whether their doctrine was undermined by my witness (I had just finished my beer). I left them the oil to receive or not as they desired. 

The anointing which I incited is not just a verbal transaction of cerebral understanding but a spiritual cross-pollenation. 

I had done all I felt necessary, it was up to them to choose. As I left I felt acutely aware that my life is and ever has been an example of redemption, God breaking through the disorder, disappointment and failure. I don't need to get it right, or succeed in my intentions all I need to do is keep my heart open to Him and His still small voice. 

The Lord desires to free people into the fullness of new life. 

Anointing is something Bob Ekblad writes about in his 2008 book 'A New Christian Manifesto'. This book is so much about what I am learning in this new chapter of my life. 

The Good News is so much more than the new covenant we enter into. It is not just a hope for eternity. There is more for people to receive than a mere atoning, future hope: there is the indwelling present hope; signs and wonders; an all surpassing peace that is imparted; inner healing; when we are filled with the Holy Spirit.

For many people, to know the truth that Jesus has loved them enough to die for them does not tangibly free them in their immediate debilitating circumstances. Many broken people are waiting for heaven when its already here but has not been offered to them. As a minister of the Good News I am fully convinced this is also part of my call.

What if being filled with the Spirit were available and intended for all believers and all people? What if you had earnestly sought the will of God your whole life and still felt there was something missing?

I am amazed how many people have lived for God, loved- deeply loved for God and don't yet know the joy of freedom in the Spirit that comes of Holy Spirit filling them. This does not have to be a one off.

These may not be the last days but Acts 2:17a reaffirms my conviction so I will conclude there.

In the last days, God says, 'I will pour out my Spirit on all people'. (NIV)

The offer of a rose

On my way last Friday I wondered what I would put in the slot of my new Glasgow rain proof satchel... As I left a pub that night I caught the eye of a man who seemed to be lacking hope and love. I told my friends how I had smiled at him but thought it inappropriate to go and chat more. As we parted the temptation to go back and tell him that God loves him was very was strong. 'but I have nothing to give him...' I said to God. 
Then, this guy in a group of people turned to me and said 'God loves you!' passing me a white rose. Without thinking I said 'no thanks'. 
God had given me something! 
Chaperoned by my new friends, 4 of us went back to go and tell him. We arrived and i began to tell him the story. 'I just want to tell you that God loves you...' He interupts me 'I know God loves me but he is not your God' ... I hadn't told him who my God was but he seemed to know and was very uncomfortable with us. 

As we left my Dutch friend guessed he was Finnish. 

So I will put the rose here to remember to pray. However his God loves him, ours is jealous! Please pray he finds freedom.

A weak Evangelist

Since I have moved to Scotland I have disclosed to a few people here that I am hesitant over taking a stranger through the sinner's prayer. I have no memory of ever taking a friend through the sinner's prayer either.
As someone who teaches on this subject I have a mixed feeling about admitting this. I have concerned people who perhaps understand this as me being unsure about my belief in Jesus as my one and only saviour- I am not; or that I think anyone who leads people to faith in this way is somehow wrong or forced- I do not. I have also concerned myself that I am perhaps unable to fulfil my job as an Evangelist.
However, there are a several hurdles in my culture and personal worldview that mean that I want to be very careful when I invite someone to 'give their life to Jesus' -with me, and repeating my words.

Firstly, many of the opportunities I reflect on as moments to whip out the 'give your life to Jesus!' line have been when my closest friends have been low, they have come to me, full of emotion and brokenness. They have been strangers on the edge of their world, fearing for their life and a hope for the future. Sometimes hardly able to choose a loaf of bread let alone make the biggest decision of their life. They have been people who are already on a journey with God, already wrestling with their creator on personal and gigantic issues.

Secondly, I often have an intense desire to see people liberated from their brokenness, to a personal relationship with Jesus, so I rush toward them, with my visual aid or love gift, full of the 'love of God' and all I believe He has for them on this exact occasion, and they are overwhelmed, stunned or alienated. I have not met them where they are, in what they are facing in their lives.

So I have resolved that pulling out the sinner's prayer has its time and occasion and probably needed more than I often recognise, but I desire to take someone through this because I have first observed what the Lord is saying to this person, what this decision and step will mean for them and that they will know who can support them as they join the most far-reaching, weird and wonderful family of this earth.

For this reason I consider myself a weak Evangelist because I don't believe I am currently walking closely enough to the Holy Spirit to minister to people. Whilst evangelism is part of how I worship God, acquainting souls with their King is not something I honestly believe I can do. Perhaps this is impossible for any of us but if it is possible it will only come out of being completely aligned to God's heart, God's voice and the stillest, smallest voice. It will never be down to how much I want it, or how many times I rehearse my speech.

No rain in Glasgow

 

Today was our first venture onto the streets of Glasgow. It was forecast rain but did not rain. But as we made ourselves available in the eventuality of rain we invited people to interact in a different way with the community of faith. I felt it was important to offer a different message to the others being spoken and discussed by Christians and other groups out today. We wanted Glasgow to know that they are loved and either through a free hug of just the invitation for someone to be heard. The general response was of amusement, people were flattered, some were quite moved and grateful. Billy sculpted some balloons for passers-by. Instead of feeling frustrated he demonstrated continued optimism and enthusiasm to bless people. My new friend has shown me the fun in free hugs which is a gift and I look forward to seeing God share much more with the people of Scotland through him in the near future.

' Have you got enough umbrellas there?'

Preparing for an 'outreach' can present it's own opportunities for inviting people to think about life differently. My bizarre behaviour scrabbling amongst several hundred umbrellas for the choiciest choices of polyester, steel and plastic stirred curiosity in one of the staff in a popular high-street shop.
He asked me if I had enough umbrellas, I told him about what I was doing and why. He was such a warm fella, very helpful and I enjoyed his humour and amusement at my expense.
As I went through the till I amused the shop assistant too. He cropped up again and informed me of his own experience of Church. That he used to go to Church but in recent years he felt the new minister was not as down to earth and relatable as the previous one. He was so honest with me. I felt so privileged to hear his story, it has given me anticipation for the give-away tomorrow.